Joke of the Day – 10 reasons why its great to be a dog
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Joke of the Day – 10 reasons why its great to be a dog

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don’t even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you’re cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.

9. It doesn’t take much to make you happy. You’re always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

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Joke of the Day – Free sex with fill-up
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Joke of the Day – Free sex with fill-up

There was a gas station in
“redneck country” trying to increase its gas sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, “Free Sex with Fill-up.”

Soon a “redneck” customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, “No, you were close. The number was (7).”

“Sorry, no free sex this time, but maybe next time.”

Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number.

The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, “Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free
sex this time.”

As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, “I think that game is rigged. He doesn’t give away free sex.”

The buddy replied, “No, it’s not rigged — my wife won twice last week.”

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Joke of the Day – The well dressed lawyer and the redneck
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Joke of the Day – The well dressed lawyer and the redneck

A bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day.

The lawyer got out of his Ferrari, and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault…

“YOU STUPID HICK!” shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls and tangled beard.

“Hick, huh?” thought the redneck. “How am I gonna get outa this?”

After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks, and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle of whiskey, and brought it back.

Mister Hotshot was checking his suit and shoes to make sure they were not dirty.

He handed it to the lawyer, and said, “Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It’ll steady your nerves…. IT’S HOMEMADE…”

Mister Big City Lawyer did, but was so angry about the wreck, he refused to speak.

The redneck then said, “You still look a little bit pale. How about another?” The smug, pompous lawyer took another swallow.

After a few minutes, he began to feel the heat of the sun through his wool suit.

Then the redneck said, “Its mighty hot today. Folks roun here dont usually wear shoes on a day like this. Why dont you take off them fancy shoes, and the socks, too?”

The lawyer frowned, “Take off my shoes and socks? Do I LOOK like someone who would walk around barefoot? That’s fine for rednecks, but not for a professional like ME! These are $500 shoes!”

But after a few more sips, the redneck asked him again, and then again, and finally the lawyer let out a drunken laugh, and took off his polished shoes and socks.

Then the redneck said, “Why dont you take off that fancy tie?”

“Take off my tie?” said the lawyer with a sneer and slur in his voice. “I’m a lawyer!!!” Then he looked down at his bare feet and took off his tie…

The redneck said, “And the suit? You look kind of funny standing there barefoot in a suit! I got another pair of overalls you can wear while we figger out what to do about this situation!”

The lawyer tried to give him an arrogant look, but he was feeling the heat of the sun and the liquor. He tried to resist, but…

Off came the jacket of the $2,000 pinstriped suit. Then the white shirt. Finally, the trousers, too, and the lawyer pulled on the overalls.

At the urging of the redneck, the lawyer then took another sip, and another, and another.

The suspenders and the cufflinks and the briefcase were all in a heap now, and the lawyer was having a hard time standing up.

After another half hour, the lawyer said he was feeling pretty good, and asked the redneck if he didn’t think that he ought to have a little nip, too. Then he realized he couldn’t find the redneck…

or his expensive clothes…

“Not me”, the redneck replied, stepping out from behind a tree and wearing the lawyer’s clothes and holding the keys to his Ferrari.

He looked at the formerly well-dressed and dignified lawyer, sitting in the dirt, barefoot in overalls and drunk as a skunk and transformed into a true redneck,

“I’m waiting for the state trooper.” . . . . . .

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Joke of the Day – Rocky the trick or treater
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Joke of the Day – Rocky the trick or treater

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as ‘Rocky’ in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.

“Aren’t you the same ‘Rocky’ who left my doorstep a few minutes ago?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “but now I’m the sequel. I’ll be back three more times tonight too.”

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