Month: April 2011

Airman Miller was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Taylor noticed that Airman Miller was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Miller’ sales pitch. Miller explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now,” he concluded, “which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

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One day a man, went to a wedding and sitting next to him was the bride’s grandma.After the ceremony, she nudged the man and said “You’re next!” The next week the bride died in a car accident, and the man and the Grandma went to the funeral. As they were in line waiting to say their goodbyes, the man nudged the man nudged the Grandma and said, “Just wait, you’re next!”

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to the new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.” The older doctor said, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman. How’d you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick.”

“Huh,” the younger doctor said, “pretty sneaky. I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with another woman. She complained that she just didn’t have the energy she once did, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doc said, “Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?”

“Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.”

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