Russian Sneeze
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Russian Sneeze

Comrade Stalin is giving a speech in Russia.

Comrade Stalin is giving a speech to a packed house when someone in the crowd – a factory worker named Boris – sneezes.

Stalin stops. He sets down his notes and asks “who sneezed?”.

Silence. You could hear a pin drop.

“I ask again; who sneezed?”

In the fifth row Boris starts to sweat.

“Last chance…”

Boris is sweating bullets.

Stalin is visibly annoyed. “Very well. Commissars, take the first row out and shoot them.”

Political officers draw their pistols and take the first row of the auditorium at gunpoint. A volley of gunshots is heard a moment later.

Stalin turns back to the crowd who are stunned but too terrified to say anything.
“Well? Who sneezed?”

Boris is trembling in his seat.

“Alright then! Commisars, get the second row-”

Boris finally musters up the courage, springs to his feet, and raises his hand.

“It was me, Comrade Stalin! I was the one who sneezed!”

Stalin locks his cold eyes on Boris. The whole crowd is waiting in terror for his next words. Boris is trying his best not to soil himself.

After a long pause Stalin leans forward and says “Bless you”.

“””””

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