Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.

The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

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A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?”

Teacher:” Of course not.”

Student: “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”

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There are two farmers in a small village.They have been togeather since childhood.They say they are very close friends.They are both married but only one of them has children.The other one is suffering very much from having none.So the other day the poor one comes to his friend and asks him to have a serious talk.He explains his unfortune and suggests his friend to have an intercourse with his wife in hoping to get her pregnant.

They fix a day and time.One morning his friend comes over and he is met by his friend at the entrance of his house.The poor guy looks very nervous and smokes one cigarette after another. He lets his friend in and waits outside.

After a short while the door opens and the man comes out looks a bit discontent. What’s up?-asks the other. Don’t ask,I was not in a good mood, so she just did me a blowjob.

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