Joke of the Day – What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE – “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”

My mother taught me RELIGION – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC: “Because I said so, that’s why.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT – “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY – “Keep laughing and I’ll *give* you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS – “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -“Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA – “You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER – “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS – “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY – “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t exaggerate!!!”

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION – “Stop acting like your father!”

My mother taught me about ENVY – “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

THANKS, MOM!

Have a great day!

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