Joke of the Day: Tour of hospital

The queen of England was visiting a top hospital, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.”Oh my god!”, said the Queen, “That’s disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???”The doctor leading the tour explains, “I’m sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly.””Oh, I am sorry” said the Queen.On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

“Oh my God”, said the Queen, “What’s happening in there?” The Doctor replied, “Same problem, better health plan.”


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Joke of the Day: Blind Man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior
was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door,
strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” called one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replied a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug,
deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room; they open the door.

“Nice boobs,” said the man. “Where do you want these blinds?”


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Joke of the Day: Statues

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park,
until one day an angel came down from heaven.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them,
“and I’m going to give you a special gift.
I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.”
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes,
from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking conspiratorially.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll poop on it’s head.”


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Joke of the Day: Mohawk

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus.
He’s got spiked, multicolored hair that’s green, purple, and orange.
His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags.
His legs are bare and he’s without shoes.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers.

He sits down in the only vacant seat,
directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man:
“What are you looking at you old fart… didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were young?”

Without missing a beat, the old man replies:
“Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore,
and made love with a parrot.
I thought maybe you were my son.”


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