A Husband and a wife are waiting

A Husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 10 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

Soon, the bus arrives, but it is overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”

The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut up.”

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What are you stealing?

I worked at a factory making furniture. Every night I would leave the gate with a wheelbarrow full of sawdust and every night the factory guard checked through the sawdust as I left, looking for what I might be stealing… but I was too cleaver, he never found anything!

After 20 years, the guard was retiring. He pulled me aside and said”Look, I know you’ve been stealing SOMETHING for the past 20 years and it’s driving me crazy not being able to catch you. I’m retiring and, I swear, I’ll not tell anyone – I just need to know… just what have you been stealing?“ “Wheelbarrows”, I said.
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Two Brothers Move to the City

There were two brothers who lived in the country.

One day they decided they wanted to move to the big city and get jobs there. When they got there they went to the employment office to ask for jobs.

The first brother went in for an interview and less than 10 minutes later he comes out of the office jumping for joy yelling “hoo wee! I got a job!”

The second brother was so happy and excited for what he would get.

He enters the office and the interviewer asks him what his skills are.

“Well” he says, “I can cut and split wood like crazy”

The interviewer looks at him and says “Hmm, well it’s going to be hard to find a job in this city with those skills. Everything in the city is steel and concrete, we don’t have much use for a wood cutter”

Disheartened, the second brother says “but my brother was just in here and he got a job”

The interviewer says, “yes but he says he can pilot, and that’s a valuable skill”

The brother sits up in his chair and says, “that may be so, but he can’t pile’it ’till I cut it”

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Two old men

Two old men felt they were close to their last days and decided to have a last night on the town.

After a few drinks, they ended up at the local brothel.
The madam took one look at the two old geezers and whispered to her manager,

“Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll on each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”

The manager did as he was told and the two old men went upstairs for their business.

As they were walking home the first man said, “You know, I think my girl was dead.”

“Dead?” said his friend, “Why do you say that?”

“Well,” replied the first, “she never moved or made a sound all the time I was making love to her.”

His friend said, “Could be worse, I think mine was a witch.”

“A witch? Why the hell would you say that?” asked the other.

“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite. Then she farted, flew out the window, and took my teeth with her.”

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