I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words â€œI do.â€
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says â€œI donâ€™t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.â€ I said â€œWHAT????!!!â€ So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear….â€You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman.â€ I am thinking â€œwhat was her first clue?â€ I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed dept. store….I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She couldnâ€™t decide which one to take so I told her to take all three. She wanted matching shoes, I said â€œlets get a pair for each outfit.â€ We went to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings …. Let me tell you …. she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesnâ€™t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this. You should have seen her face when she said â€œI think this is all dear, lets go to the cash register.â€ I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out â€œNo honey, I donâ€™t feel like buying all of this stuff now.â€
You should have seen her face…. it went completely blank. I then said â€œReally honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.â€ And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, â€œYou must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man.â€
I figure I wonâ€™t be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2015.
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