A guy gets hit by a car
description

A guy gets hit by a car

A guy gets hit by a car. He wakes up in the hospital with the nurse right next to him.

The guy asks if he’ll be ok, and the nurse replies with yes.

The nurse asks “You’ll need to pay for your stay here, which comes to about 20 grand. Do you have enough money?”

The guy replies “No, unfortunately, money is tight for me.”

The nurse asks “well do you have any relatives that could help you pay?”

The guy says “No, my only living relative is my sister. She’s an un-married nun.”

The nurse interrupts and says “Actually, nuns are married to God.”

The guys goes “Ok then, send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

“““““

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Gender Reveal Party
description

Gender Reveal Party

My brother’s wife Anna has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at a gender reveal party of about 40 people.

At the party just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce that they are going to have a little baby girl.

Everyone starts cheering, naturally. Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?

”My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle. ”Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”

“““““

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After the Beer Festival
description

After the Beer Festival

After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”

“““““

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Nun and Priest crossing the Sahara desert
description

Nun and Priest crossing the Sahara desert

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke, “Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”

“I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”

“I agree,” says the Father. “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?”
“Anything, Father.”

“I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours…”

“Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.”

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
“Sister, would you mind if I touched them?”

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

“Father, could I ask something of you?”

“Yes, Sister?”

“I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?”

“I suppose that would be OK,” the Priest replied lifting his robe.

“Oh Father, may I touch it?”

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

“Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.”

“Is that true Father?”

“Yes, it is, Sister.”

“Oh Father, that’s wonderful… stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!”

“““““

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