A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.
At the door to German Hell, he is told: “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at Nigerian Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?”

He is told: “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Nigerian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

“But that’s the same as the others,” says the man. “Why are so many people waiting to get in?”

“Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.”

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Gina a housewife had lost her husband almost four years ago, her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.

Finally, Gina said she’d start dating, but didn’t know how anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, “Mum I have someone for you to meet.”

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties – he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”

She replied: “My upper half you can see, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”

He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same – she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit, but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: “What’s with the black condom?”

He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”

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A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head “yes” and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head “no” and mumble a reply.
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Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy,’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would ask, ‘You wanna sell that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

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A guy gets hit by a car. He wakes up in the hospital with the nurse right next to him.

The guy asks if he’ll be ok, and the nurse replies with yes.

The nurse asks “You’ll need to pay for your stay here, which comes to about 20 grand. Do you have enough money?”

The guy replies “No, unfortunately, money is tight for me.”

The nurse asks “well do you have any relatives that could help you pay?”

The guy says “No, my only living relative is my sister. She’s an un-married nun.”

The nurse interrupts and says “Actually, nuns are married to God.”

The guys goes “Ok then, send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

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