Husband came come
description

Husband came come

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

“““““

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Three friends fishing
description

Three friends fishing

Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes.

The first friend says “I wish I could catch a huge marlin”

The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back. The friend then pulls in a massive marlin.

“Amazing!” Says the second friend “Well you know what? I wish I were rich”

The crocodile then swims underwater and fetches a treasure chest full of money and gold and gives it to him.

“INCREDIBLE!” says the third friend “I’ve got a better one, I wish my penis touched the ground!”

The crocodile bites his legs off.

——-

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Breakfast
description

Breakfast

A wife was making breakfast for her husband when he ran into the kitchen with an alarmed expression.

“TURN ‘EM EGGS!! TURN’EM BEFORE THEY BURN!!!”.

“GOOD LORD, WE ARE GOING TO NEED MORE BUTTER FOR BREAKFAST!!! GET IT! GET IT!!! DAMN THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!!”

The wife looked at him with a puzzled expression and continued.

“HOLY SHIT! NOT SO MUCH SALT AND PEPPER!!! JUST A BIT!! YOU WILL RUIN THEM!!!”

The wife turned around and shouted, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“Nothing”, replied the husband in a calm and even tone. “Just wanted to give you an idea of what it’s like when I am driving with you by my side.”

“““““

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Black eye
description

Black eye

Teacher : What’s wrong? Why do you have a black eye?

John: Our house is very small. My mum, my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, “John are you sleeping?” Then I say “No” & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye.

Teacher: Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet. don’t answer.

The following morning John comes back with a severe black eye again.

Teacher: My goodness, Why the black eye again ?

John: Dad asked me again, John are you sleeping ? I shut up & kept dead still. Then my dad and my mom started moving, you know, at the same time Mum was breathing like a Christmas chicken, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a Hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, “Are you coming?” Mum said, “Yes I’m coming, are you coming too?” Dad answered “Yes.” They don’t usually go anywhere without me so I said, “wait for me, I’m coming too.”

“““““

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