Joke of the Day: Ted at the supermarket
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Joke of the Day: Ted at the supermarket

Ted goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.

So he says, ‘Do you know me?’ To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,

‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Story about my kid
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Joke of the Day: Story about my kid

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.

So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Joke of the Day: Sisters and the bull
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Joke of the Day: Sisters and the bull

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.” The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word,’ comfortable’.”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Dead Rooster
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Joke of the Day: Dead Rooster

Mark was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster.

Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.

Shaken, Mark pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell.

A farmer appeared. Mark somewhat nervously said, “I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.”

“Suit yourself,” the farmer replied, “the hens are round the back.”
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