Joke of the Day – Where do you get a good wife?

Three guys are drinking at the local bar.

The first one brags, “I married me a good woman from North Dakota.I told her that she was to do all the cleaning, cooking and laundry.

The first day we was married, she did the cleaning. The second day we was married, she was doing the cleaning and cooking.

By the third day we was married, she cooked, cleaned and had all the laundry done. She’s been doing everything ever since! That’s those good women from North Dakota.”

The second guy brags, “I married me a good woman from Wisconsin. I told her that she was to do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, yard work and keep me and my friends happy.

The first day I saw she could cook and clean.

The second day I saw she could cook, clean, do the laundry and take care of the lawn.

The third day I saw she cooked a five course meal, cleaned the house, did the laundry, weed wacked and edged the lawn, and she brought me and my friends beers! Thats those good women from Wisconsin.”

The third guy remained silent for awhile and then spoke up, “I married me a woman from Minnesota.
I told her my home is my castle and I am the king and ruler and what I say goes!

The first day, I didn’t see anything. The second day, I couldn’t see anything either.

By the third day, the swelling was going down in my left eye and I could see out a little bit.”


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Joke of the Day – What a good deal!

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”

“One penny!” exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, “Yes.”

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?”

“Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”

“How much money?” inquires the guy.

“4 cents”, the bartender replies.

“Four cents!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the man who owns this place?”

The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”

The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”

The bartender replies, “Same thing I’m doing to his business.”


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Joke of the Day – The drunk’s prize

A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.

The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye!! He downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go…

Two bulls eyes!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go of the last dart.

Three bulls eyes!!!

All are astounded. No one has ever won before. The bartender searches for a prize… grabs a turtle from the bar’s terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.

Three weeks pass… The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again.

To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.

The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn’t know what to give, so he asks the drunk, “Say, what did you win the last time?”

And the drunk responds, “A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!”


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Joke of the Day – What a coincidence!

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could by him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”. “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”

“Of course,” replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks. Curious, the first man asks, “Where in Ireland asre you from?”

“Dublin,” comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it says the first man.

“I’m from Dublin too Let’s have another drink to Dublin!” the men both continue drinking.

Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, “What school did you go to?”

“St. Mary’s,” replied the second man. “i graduated in ’62.”

“This is unbelivable, “the first man says. “I went to St. Mary’s and i grduated in ’62, too!”

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

“What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much” replies the bartender. “the O’Mally twins are drunk again.”


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