Two mischievous boys

Two mischievous boys, aged 8 and 10, are known for causing all sorts of trouble in their town. Their mother, hoping to discipline them, asks a preacher to speak to them. The preacher agrees, but he asks to see the boys individually.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sits the younger boy down and asks sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”

The boy’s mouth drops open, he doesn’t respond but sits there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeats the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”

The boy lowers his gaze but does not answer. The preacher raises his voice further, shakes his finger in the boy’s face, and bellows, “Where is God?!”

The boy screams and runs directly home and dives into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother finds him in the closet, he asks, “What happened?” “Why are you shaking?”

Gasping for breath, the younger brother replies, “We are in BIG trouble this time.
??GOD is missing, and they think we did it!


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Man goes to the hospital

A man goes to the hospital. The doctors are pretty used to seeing him by now as he’s notorious for swallowing things he shouldn’t be. (the last time he was in there he’d swallowed a battery. That shocked the surgeon removing it)

So the doctor see him. “Good evening. What’s the trouble today?” The man replies, “I’ve swallowed something” The doctor looks at him, already slightly annoyed about the whole thing, and asks “Will you tell me what it is?” To which the man just says “no” So the doctor orders an x-ray. A short while later he gets the pictures back and sure enough, sitting there in the man’s intestine is a key.

The doctor looks at the x-ray, thinks for a moment, then tells the man, “well, it seems you’ve swallowed a key. It’s not perticularly large and, luckily for all of us, the point is away from the direction of travel so you should pass it naturally in the next 6 hours. I recommend you go home and wait for that to happen.”
The man looks back “I can’t do that Doctor, I’m locked out”


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70 year old man at brothel

A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.

The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she’ll give him one for free.

He says “Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute nap, and while I’m asleep, I need you to hold my old pecker.” She agrees, he wakes up 20 minutes later and goes at it again, just as vigorously as before.

The girl is amazed at the old man’s stamina, and repeats her freebie offer, the old man tells her that once again, he’ll need a 20 minute nap and she’ll have to hold his dick while he’s asleep. She does as he asks, he wakes up 20 minutes later and he goes at it again, with even more enthusiasm than previously.

The hooker catches her breath, and needing to satisfy her curiosity, asks the old man “I can understand why you need the nap, but why do you need me to hold your dick while you’re sleeping?”

The old man replies “Oh, that’s just so you don’t steal my wallet.”


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Gigantic hole

Two fellas are walking in the woods one day when they come upon a gigantic hole, so big and deep that they can’t see the bottom of it. Naturally, their curiosity gets the best of them and they start looking for things to throw in the hole. They find sticks and rocks and throw them in but never hear anything hit the bottom of the hole.

Eventually they find an old railroad tie and figure they’ll definitely hear that hit the bottom, so they lug it over and throw it in. A few seconds pass, but they still don’t hear it hit the bottom. They shrug and start to walk away, when all of a sudden a cow comes charging through the woods at them and jumps into the hole!

“That was crazy!” they say to each other as they’re walking out of the woods. A farmer is walking into the woods at the same time and greets them. The guys tell the farmer about the hole they found. The farmer asks if the guys have seen his cow. They say, “as a matter of fact we saw a cow come sprinting through the woods and jump into that hole!”

The farmer shakes his head and says, “hmm, well that couldn’t have been my cow. My cow was tied to a railroad tie.”


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