Catholic Nuns
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Catholic Nuns

4 Catholic nuns died in a car crash. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and says “The only reason you aren’t already inside is that you have sinned and never confessed. This is your amnesty if you have a confession, now’s the time.”

The Catholic first nun was very hesitant but finally stepped forward. “I saw a man’s penis once and had impure thoughts.” St. Peter replied, “That’s okay, just wash your eyes out with holy water, and you may enter.” The second nun stepped forward. “I touched a man’s penis once.” “That’s okay, Sister,” St. Peter replied. “Just wash your hands with holy water, and you may enter.”

The fourth nun begins to cut in front of the third, and an all-out brawl breaks out between the two. Habits and hair go flying as St. Peter breaks it up. “Sisters, what has gotten into you two?” The fourth nun, brushing herself off, says, “I only wanted to rinse my mouth out before she sticks her ass in that water.”
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Widowed Woman
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Widowed Woman

A women married and had 4 children. Her husband died.

She married again and had 3 more children.

Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.

Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “What do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”

“““““

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Older woman in bar
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Older woman in bar

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old.

In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double?

‘What’s that?’ I asked.

‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said.

As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’

We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, ‘tonight’s your lucky night.’

We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, ‘Mom, you still awake?’

“““““

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Kids in hospital
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Kids in hospital

Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other.

The first kid leans over and asks, What are you in here for?

The second kid says, I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.?

The first kid says,? You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.

Cool, says the second kid.?What are you in here for??

A circumcision.?

Whoa! exclaims the second kid. Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.

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