Whales swimming off the coast of Japan
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Whales swimming off the coast of Japan

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale,

“Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, “lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

“What’s the matter darling?”

“Look love,” she said,

“I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen

“““““

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Village was troubled by a man-eating lion
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Village was troubled by a man-eating lion

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Rygax, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide.

Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture towait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture.

As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain.

There was no sign of the lion.

“What happened, Rygax? Where is the lion? ” asked the chief.

“Forget the damn lion! ” he howled. “Which one of you idiots let the bull loose? ”

“““““

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Pulled over slow driver
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Pulled over slow driver

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front seat and three in the back – wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the trooper replied, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask … Is everyone in this car OK?” the trooper asked with concern. “These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer,” she replied. “We just got off Route 110.”

“““““

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If only there was an easier way
description

If only there was an easier way

Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.
When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, “Paddy, me ol’mate, how
are we going to tell who owns which Fookin’ Pig?”

Paddy says, “Well Paddy, I’ll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, and ten
we can tell them apart.”

“Ah, dat id be grand,” says Paddy.

This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the
house. “Paddy” he said, “Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my Fookin
Pig. Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell
who owns which fookin pig.?”

“Well Paddy,” says Paddy,”I’ll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig. Ten we’ll
ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear”.

“Ah tat’d be grand” says Paddy.

Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again
stormed into the house. “Paddy”, he said, “Your fookin pig has chewed the
other ear offa my fookin pig!!!.” “Now, we got two fookin pigs with no
fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns which fookin pig?”

“Ah, dis is serious, Paddy” said Paddy. ” I’ll tell ya what I’ll do. I’ll
cut de tail offa my fookin pig. Den we’ll av two fookin pigs with no fookin
ears and only one fookin tail.”

“Ah tat’d be grand” says Paddy.

Another couple of weeks went by and……….you guessed it, Paddy stormed
into the house once more. “PADDY,” shouted Paddy, “YOUR FOOKIN PIG HAS
CHEWED THE FOOKIN TAIL OFFA MY FOOKIN PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO FOOKIN PIGS
WITH NO FOOKIN EARS AND NO FOOKIN TAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. HOW DE FOOK ARE WE
GONNA FOOKIN TELL ‘EM APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Ah, Fook it” says Paddy, “how’s about you have the black one, and I’ll have
the white one”

“““““

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