Man lays across three seats

A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?”

The man groans, but remains seated. The Usher becoming impatient with the man, “sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved”

Again the man just groans, which infuriates the Usher as he marches off to get the manager. In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success. It was at this point that the manager calls the police.

Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, “alright buddy, what’s your name?”

“Dugly” the man moans.

“And where ya from Dugly?”

With pain in his voice Dugly replied, “the balcony”.

“””””

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Sons came out as gay

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out as gay”

The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks.

“My middle son just came out as gay.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots.

“Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots.

“My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

“””””

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German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died. In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.

The German Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.”

“Good!” said God. “Sit at my right side.” Then God asked, “Doberman, what do you believe in?”

The Doberman answered, “I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.”

“Aha,” said God, “you may sit on my left.”

Then God looked at the cat and asked, “And what do you believe in?”

“I believe,” replied the cat, “that you are sitting in my seat.”

“””””

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Girl does well in school

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15!

Everyone else stopped at about 5’ ‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ The following day, the girl says to her mother. ‘Mum, today we measured our chests in class and mine is the largest! Is that because I’m blonde?’ ‘No darling, that’s because you’re 18.’

“””””

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