Joke of the Day – A man walks into a bar
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Joke of the Day – A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar with his dog and puts the dog on a barstool. The bartender asks the man what he wants to drink.

“I’ll have a bourbon and Coke!”

The man then turns to his dog and asks, “What are you going to have, Rover?”

“I’ll have a Scotch and soda — light on the soda,” says Rover.

The bartender is skeptical about the dog talking. “Come on,” he says, “that dog can’t talk — you’re a ventriloquist!”

“No, Rover can really talk! While I am in the restroom, you can have a conversation with him yourself — but don’t let him out of your sight. He is a very valuable dog.”

The man goes to the restroom. When he returns, the dog is gone.

“Hey, where’s my dog? I told you not to let him out of your sight.”

“Aw, I didn’t believe that Rover could talk, so I gave him a quarter and sent him to the drug store to buy me a paper.”

“Let’s go look for him,” said the man.

The two went to the drugstore — no Rover. They walked up and down nearby alleys and streets — no dog! Finally, they found Rover in an alley on top of another dog, pumping away.

Pointing his finger at Rover, the man says angrily, “How come you are doing this? You have never done this before!”

“First time I ever had any money!”

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Joke of the Day – businesswoman
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Joke of the Day – businesswoman

There was a businesswoman who just made a million dollars for an Arabian Oil Sheik. When she was leaving the Oil Sheik offered her Diamonds and rubies and a Silver-plated Rolls Royce, but she declined.

The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice.

A few weeks later she received a telegram from the sheik.

“So far I have bought you 3 golf clubs. I hope you aren’t disappointed that only 2 of them have swimming pools.”

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Joke of the Day –  Two old ladies
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Joke of the Day – Two old ladies

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What’s that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn’t matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted.

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Joke of the Day – St. Louis
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Joke of the Day – St. Louis

 While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three sinners. The first person to come up was Richard Nixon.

The Pope asked, “What is your sin?”

“I hired people to break into the Watergate Hotel.”

The Pope replied, “Kneel down. I’ll bless you and grant you absolution.”

Next in line was Bill Clinton. “What was your sin, son?”

“I cheated on my wife.” The Philanderer in Chief replied.

“Kneel down, my son. I’ll bless you and grant you absolution.”

A third person came up and the Pope asked, “What is your name?”

“Monica Lewinsky.” The Pope stroked his chin. “Hmmmm….. Perhaps you should remain standing.”

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