Inflation in the USA

Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that……

– CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
– Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
– McDonald’s is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
– Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
– Moms and Dad’s in Beverly Hills let go of their nannies and finally learned their child’s names.
– A picture is now only worth 100 words.
– The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
– I called a car dealer to get the book value on my used car. They asked if the gas tank was full or empty


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Flight from NYC to London

A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London. He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams “get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt”. Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey.

The man asks for a blanket again only to be ignored. “Hey, old cow” yells the parrot “where’s my snacks?” Peanuts, cashews and salted almonds find themselves immediately on the parrot’s tray. The man gives up “I’m freezing you stupid bitch. What the hell do I need to do to get a fuckin’ blanket on this shit of a flight?!”

The flight attendant says something into a comm system and a big man comes, opens the door at 37,000ft and throws both the man and the parrot out of the plane. On the way down, the parrot takes a good look at the man and says: “you know something? You’re pretty brave for someone with no wings”


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Little Johnny was sitting in class

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question

Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?

None, replied Johnny, cause the rest would fly away, Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, but i like the way you’re thinking.

Little Johnny says i have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married? Well said the teacher nervously i guess the one sucking the cone No said little Johnny the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but i like the way you’re thinking.


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Lesbian in hiding

A blond has been hiding that she’s a lesbian from her parents for years

She has always been scared that they wouldn’t accept her like many other parents do. She was speaking about it to her best friend, who is familiar with her parents.

Her friend said “Are you serious? I thought they knew already, why wouldn’t they accept you? Just tell them today”.

The blond was nervous but decided to take her friend’s advice.

During dinner that evening, she began to open herself to her parents.

“I have something to say to you 2, I have been a lesbian for years now and I’ve been hiding it from the 2 of you, please accept me.” she began.

Her parents looked at each other in bewilderment.

“Why do you think we won’t accept you?” her mom said.

“Yeah, are you dumb?” said her other mom.


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