Israeli soldier who just enlisted
description

Israeli soldier who just enlisted

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.

The CO says, “Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked, “How did you do it?”

“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, ‘Do you want to get a 3 day pass?’ So we exchanged tanks!”

“““““

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Position open that required a great deal of sensitivity
description

Position open that required a great deal of sensitivity

A company had a position open that required a great deal of sensitivity dealing with people. They devised a strategy to weed out inappropriate candidates during the interview. They had a person working for the company who was born without ears, so they had him perform the interviews.

The first interviewee fails immediately when he walks in and says, “Dude, what happened to your ears?”

The second never made mention of the interviewer’s lack of ears, but was very obviously looking at where his ears should have been.

The third walked in, sat calmly, and never seemed to notice the interviewer’s lack of ears. At the end of the interview even the interviewer was impressed because he had never spoken to anyone for that length of time with some kind of reaction. The interviewer was so curious he couldn’t resist asking, “So, did you notice anything strange or different about me?”

“Like what?”

“Anything, anything at all.”

After making an obvious show of carefully looking the interviewer over, the interviewee says, “The only thing I can think of is your eyes. You wear contacts.”

“Hey, that’s right, I do wear contacts! How’d you know?”

“Well you can’t wear glasses; you don’t have any fucking ears.”

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God decides to spread his word
description

God decides to spread his word

God decides to spread his word so he goes around the nations. He gets to the americans and tries to give a commandment to an american he meets. God: “Can I intrest you in a commandment?”

American: “What does it say?” God: “Thou shalt not kill.” American: “In USA we kill to settle disputes. Murder, execution; that’s how we roll. No thanks!”

God decides to keep trying and gets to the french. God: “Can I intrest you in a commandment?” Frenchman: “What does it say?” God: “thou shalt not covet thou neighbor’s wife.” Frenchman: “But adultry is the essence of being french! No thanks!”

Not giving up, he decides to try the jews and meets Moses. God: “Can I intrest you in a commandment?” Moses: “How much does it cost?” God: “It’s free.” Moses: “I’ll have ten.”
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Ran out of gas
description

Ran out of gas

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of gas. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

“What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee.

“I’m out of gas,” the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`”Try it now,” said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

“Wow,” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my gas tank?”

“BP,” answered the bee.

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