Joke of the Day: The wife came home early
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Joke of the Day: The wife came home early

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig’ she cried.
‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife,
the mother of your children!
I’m leaving you .. I want a
divorce right away!’

And the husband replied,
‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’
‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young
lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so
down and out and defenseless that I took
pity on her and let her into the car..

I noticed that she was very thin, not well
dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home
and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you
last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor
thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested
a shower, and while she was doing that, I
noticed her clothes were dirty and full of
holes, so I threw them away

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her
the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say theyare too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was
your anniversary present, which you don’t
wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you
for Christmas that you don’t wear just to
annoy her, and I also donated those boots
you bought at the expensive boutique and
don’t wear because someone at work has
a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understandingand help that as I walked her to the door,she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said…….

.

.

.

.

Please ….. Do you have anything else that
your wife doesn’t use?

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Grapes and doughnuts
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Joke of the Day: Grapes and doughnuts

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but alw ays promised not to take a case if he felt he couldn’t help. The Browns came into see the successful doctor and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests. Finally, he concluded, “Yes, I am happy to say that I can help you.”

“On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife’s love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.

“Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.” The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.

They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. “I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.”

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, “You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us.”

“Well, all right”, the doctor said. “On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios… ”

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Blonde on Cruise
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Joke of the Day: Blonde on Cruise

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $75!”

So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, “I’d like the $75 cruise special, please.”

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $75 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Somehow drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?”

The second blonde replies,”They didn’t last year….”

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Boy at wedding
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Joke of the Day: Boy at wedding

A little boy was in a aunt’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the boy sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
“““““

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