A man goes to the Doctor
description

A man goes to the Doctor

A man goes to the Doctor and says, “I’ve got a tapeworm.”

“I’ve been to so many specialists and no one can seem to get rid of it.”

The doctor thinks for a few moments and says, “OK, come back next week with a banana and a cookie.”

The man is confused but, having been failed by every conventional treatment, goes home and returns a week later with a banana and a cookie.

“Drop your pants and bend over the table,” says the doctor.

“What the hell are you doing?” the man asks.

“Trust me,” says the doctor.

The man, a little distressed, does as he’s asked.

The doctor shoves the banana up his ass and then a couple of minutes later shoves the cookie up as well.

“Come back in a week with another banana and cookie.”

The man is unsure about the treatment but, again, has tried everything else and wants to get rid of this tapeworm.

The next week he returns with another banana and cookie.

“Drop your pants and bend over the table,” says the doctor.

After 3 weeks of this the doctor says, “OK, next week will be your final treatment. Bring me a banana and a hammer.”

The man comes back with the requested items.

“Drop your pants and bend over the table.”

Trembling, knowing what’s coming, the man does as he’s asked.

The doctor shoves the banana up his ass and waits… and waits… and waits…

Eventually, the tapeworm sticks its head out and yells, “Where’s my cookie?”

And the doctor smashes it with the hammer.

“““““

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Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live
description

Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live

Doctor: “Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live.”

Man: “Doc, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer?”

Doc: “Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?”
Man: “Yes.”
Doc: “You must stop!”

Man: “If it allows me to live longer, I’ll do it!”
Doc: “Do you drink sodas and eat fast food?”
Man: “Yes.”
Doc: “You must stop!”

Man: “If it allows me to live longer, okay.”
Doc: “Do you stay up late?”
Man: “Yes.”
Doc: “You must stop!”

Man: “If it allows me to live longer, then I shall.”
Doc: “Do you have sex often?”
Man: “Yes.”
Doc: “You must stop!”

Man: “If it allows me to live longer, then I’ll do that too.”
Doc: “Do you smoke?”
Man: “Yes.”
Doc: “You must stop!”

Man: “If it allows me to live longer, I will.”
Doc: “Do you drink?”
Man: “Yes…”
Doc: “You must stop!”

Man: “OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me to do, how much longer will I live?”

Doc: “You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century.

“““““

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Father teaches son about politics
description

Father teaches son about politics

Son: “Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”

Father: “Sure son. What’s the question?”

Son: “What is Politics?”

Father: “Well, let’s take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Capitalism”. your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Government”. We take care of your need, so let’s call you “The People”. We’ll call the maid “The Working Class” and your little brother, we can call “The Future”. Do you understand son?

Son: “I’m not really sure, dad. I’ll have to think about it.”

That night awakened by his brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: “Dad, now I think i understand what politics is.”

Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”

Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.”

“““““

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Horny Husband
description

Horny Husband

With his wife now eight months pregnant, a man was severely horny. She recognized what he was going through and empathized enough to hand him a fifty-dollar bill.

“Honey, you’re so depressed. Take this money to the woman next door and she’ll sleep with you. But remember: tonight only, okay? Never again!”

He couldn’t believe his ears but, afraid she might change her mind, grabbed the money and ran, but within five minutes was back, totally disappointed.

“She says fifty isn’t enough. She wants hundred!”

His wife was mad, Why that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty!

“““““

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