Two blind pilots enter a plane
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Two blind pilots enter a plane

Two blind pilots enter a plane. They have sunglasses and white sticks. As the plane starts to move, the passengers are uncomfortable.

The plane gains speed, but it stays on the ground. The remaining runway gets smaller and smaller, and the plane is rushing towards a fence.

The passengers start shrieking and suddenly the plane lifts, avoiding the fence at the last second.

All the passengers calm down, thinking it was a bad joke.

In the pilot cabin, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says :

“You know what? One day they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all going to die.”

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Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people
description

Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people. He’s wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering “Turkish got 3 problems.”

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say “Hey, yopu know what you’re wearing is insulting?” The Russian responds: “This is your first problem: You’re so easily offended.”

The Turkish respond: “Okay, maybe we should settle this outside.” The Russian: “That’s your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence.”

The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives. The Russian: “And here’s your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights.”

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Who keeps the children
description

Who keeps the children

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, “Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a soda comes out, who does the soda belong to… me or the machine?”

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Two irishmen are floating on a boat
description

Two irishmen are floating on a boat

Two irishmen are floating on a boat, lost at sea. They ran out of food a couple of days ago, and ran out of water just today, so naturally they’re pretty desperate.

Out on the water, one of them spies a genie’s lamp, and they both frantically paddle towards it.

One of them pull out the lamp and rubs it, and lo and behold, a genie pops out!

“Will ye grant us tree wishes mister?” the Irishman pleads.

“I’d love ta, but this old genie’s barely enough for just the one. So wish carefully.”

Quickly, one of the men calls out, “I wish the ocean’d turn ta Guinness!!”

“Consider it done.” The genie and the lamp disappear, and the entire ocean changes from water to beer.

The second Irishman looks at the first, stunned, then finally manages, “Ya fockin’ idiot! Now we have ta piss in the boat!”

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