Sister Gwen
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Sister Gwen

Mother Superior: “Sister Gwen, if you walk through town at night, and you’re accosted by a man with bad intentions, what would you do?”

Sister Gwen: “I would lift my habit, mother Superior.”

Mother Superior (shocked): “And what would you do next?”

Sister Gwen: “I would tell him to drop his pants.”

Mother Superior: (even more shocked) “And what then?”

Sister Gwen: “I would run away. I can run much faster with my habit up than he with his pants down.”

——-

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Legend of Attila the Hun
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Legend of Attila the Hun

There’s a little-known legend about Attila the Hun

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.
But his snake lost its appetite, and soon stopped eating altogether; perhaps due to the stress of frequent travel and an irregular diet.

Wishing to save his prized pet, Attila sought help from the local chirurgeons and witch doctors. None of them could do anything for him, until a wizened sage suggested feeding the serpent only young female virgins.

Attila was pleased with this idea, and was delighted to find that a city he had raided just happened to have a Christian convent with a convenient supply of the recommended food for his pet.

But the snake refused to eat, or even touch any of the consecrated virgins from the convent. Enraged, Attila sent for the soothsayer who advised him to have him executed.
Standing before Attila, the old man calmly said, “Before thou killest me, may thee first bring the snake and one of the women to me.”

Curious, Attila did as he asked.

Then the old man took some bread and gave it to Attila.

“Now hold these in both hands,” he instructed.

Attila did so, and as soon as he did, the snake let out a terrifying hiss, and swallowed the virgin whole.

To an amazed Attila, the old man simply said,

“Thy anaconda don’t want nun unless you’ve got buns, Hun.”

——-

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Two Americans backpacking in Europe
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Two Americans backpacking in Europe

Two Americans were backpacking in Europe when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in german:” Where is the nearest petrol diner?”

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. “Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying.”

The driver tried again in French and again was met with blank stares and shakes of the head from the two tourists.

Getting frustrated, he tried again in Italian, in Spanish, each time receiving nothing but sheepish smiles from the two of them. Finally, he cursed under his breath and drove away angrily.

The first American asked his partner: ” Maybe we should learn a second language.” His partner shrugged and replied:” Why? That dude knew four languages and it didn’t help him.”

——-

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Best Friend’s Wife Affair
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Best Friend’s Wife Affair

A man approaches his best friend’s wife one day

when her husband is at the office. “Will you have sex with me?” he asks.

“No. I don’t want to have an affair”

“O.K. What if I give you $1000?”

“Well, for a $1000 I think I will. Come back tomorrow afternoon when my husband is at work.”

So the man shows up next day and slaps $1000 on the table and they do whatever it was they did(!!!). In the evening her husband comes home a little distraught:

“Was my best friend here today?”

“Y-y-yes.” his wife says with concern.

“And did he leave $1000?”

“Y-y-yes.” she says expecting the worst.

“Oh good, what a great pal he is. He came in this morning and asked if he could borrow $1000 from me and promised to return it this afternoon!”

“““““

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