Hooking up with a sensitive guy at a bar.
description

Hooking up with a sensitive guy at a bar.

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, And as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, With hundreds and hundreds of cute, Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed In rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken Quite some time to lovingly arrange them And she was immediately touched By the amount of thought he had Put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along The bottom shelf, Medium-sized bears covering the Length of the middle shelf, And huge, enormous bears running All the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an Obviously masculine guy To have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his Sensitive side. But doesn’t mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and Continue talking and, After awhile, she finds herself Thinking, ‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy Could be the one! Maybe he could be the future Father of my children?’

She turns to him and kisses him Lightly on the lips He responds warmly They continue to kiss, the passion builds, And he romantically lifts her in His arms and carries her into his bedroom.

Where they rip off each other’s Clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she Responds with more passion, More creativity, more heat than she Has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in The afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently Strokes his chest and asks coyly,

‘Well, how was it?’

The guy gently smiles at her,

Strokes her cheek,

Looks deeply into her eyes, And says:

‘Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.’

“””””

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New Doctor going on rounds
description

New Doctor going on rounds

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman? How’d you come to the diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick.”

The younger doctor said, “Pretty clever. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn’t have the energy she once did and said, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As the left, the elder doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she’s very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?”

“I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the priest under the bed.”

“””””

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Little Dwarf  with a speech impediment
description

Little Dwarf with a speech impediment

A little dwarf with a speech impediment goes into a stud farm, ‘I’d like to buy a horth’ he says to the owner of the farm.

‘What sort of horse?’ said the owner.

‘A female horth’ the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. ‘Nithe horth.’ says the dwarf,
‘Can I thee her eyeth?’ So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. ‘Nithe eyeth.’, says the dwarf,

‘Can I thee her teeth?’ Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. Nithe teeth…. Can I see her eerth?’ the dwarf says.

The owner is getting fed up but again picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. ‘Nithe eerth.’ He says, ‘Now…can I see her twot?’

The owner, not sure if he heard correctly, replies ‘Her what?’ ‘Twot, can I see her twot,’ the dwarf says. The owner losing his patience picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horse’s vagina.

He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down. The dwarf shakes his head and says: ‘Perhaps I should weefwaze that. Can I see her wun awound?’

“””””

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My false teeth are killing me
description

My false teeth are killing me

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.” “My false teeth are killing me.”

“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.” “Oh please do…” “Give me a day or two.” With this they parted. Two days later the sufferer was handed a package with false teeth in it. He tried them and was astonished to find they were a great improvement but “a little on the tight side.” Saying “Don’t worry, I’ll try again,” two days later he offered another set, but alas the reaction was “Much better, but rather on the loose side.” “Ah, I think I’ve got it! Let me try just once more.”

Sure enough, two days later he handed over a set saying “I think these will really be just right.” Putting them in, the sufferer was astonished to find they really were a very good fit. “Thank you so much. These are just right. You must be a wonderful dentist to be able to get false teeth to fit so well just by looking at them!” Laughing modestly the man replied “Oh I’m not a dentist. I’m a funeral director.”

“””””

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