Driving with my cousin
description

Driving with my cousin

I was visiting my cousin and he just blew through a red light.

I yelled, “Are you crazy?!”

He waved me off, saying, “It’s OK, my brother does it all the time.”

The next light was red too, and he just sailed on through again.

“You’re gonna get us killed,” I shouted.

And he again replied, “It’s OK, my brother does it all the time.”

The next light was green, so I was feeling better, but my cousin slammed on the brakes.

I asked, “Now what?”

He said, “Gotta be careful, my brother might be coming the other way.”

——-

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James wrote a book
description

James wrote a book

High school student James is in first period. The teacher isn’t there on time. A few minutes passed, and she still hasn’t arrived yet. James kinda figured, while the teacher was away, he ought to keep writing his novel he’s been working on, about cats. James’ dream is to become a big shot writer with the desire to have a best-seller. He’s written and sent in books before, but no luck. He’s tried written short stories, children’s stories, poems, and even a few attempted novels. However, none of those were considered good enough to publish.

However, this next story that he has planned, he figures it’s gonna be HUGE. It’s the story about a runaway cat, told from a first-person view of the cat himself. The cat is supposedly trying to figure out how to return home, and how to survive. After giving it much thought, and after receiving the feedback from the other failed attempts, he decided to put his all into his book. It’ll be a smash hit.

After about fifteen minutes, the teacher finally shows up to first period. The teacher apologizes, “Sorry, I’m late. My dumbass boyfriend doesn’t know how to properly set an alarm clock.” Upon hearing those words, a light bulb suddenly went off in James’ head. Boyfriend… clock… that’s it! That’s the perfect story!

During class, he decided to try and take notes as to the concept of the book in itself. So far, he has the idea of a guy falling in love with an analog clock, something about how digital clocks are about to go outdated, and that he feels nostalgic by them and doesn’t want them to fade away… that’s what he’s come up with so far. Yeah. A story about a guy that has a sexual relationship with an analog clock.

It’s a strange story, he knows, but he feels it’s quite an original story, to the point where it will definitely put him over the top, WAY more than his cat story he’s been working on. Once he gets home, he puts way more time and effort coming up with the characters, the plot details, and so on and so forth. Finally, by the time he has to go to sleep, he’s already completed two chapters.

A few weeks later, he’s already completed the book. He’s so excited about what he’s written, where he feels like a big shot. He feels this will definitely be the book that brings him to success. It’s well-written, has great structure, and he feels that he wrote the main character enough to where you’d actually empathize with his romantic relationship about the clock, and why exactly he wanted to marry the clock in the first place. He titles the book “Holding Hands”.

He sends it in to the first publishing company. A few days later, he gets a call, saying that it was one of the worst things they’ve ever read. Feeling distraught by this, he decides to try again with a different publishing company. However, a few weeks later, he’s given the exact same statement, that it was terrible. He tries over and over again, but nothing really seems to happen.

Finally, he decides to give it one last shot. One more publishing company, and if they reject it, he’ll scrap the book entirely and possibly resume the cat story that he originally had his eyes on. He sends it in, and… no one contacts him. Days later, not a word. Weeks pass, months. A few years, even. By this point, James has already graduated high school and went to college for writing. His cat story was also rejected, but hopefully he’ll be able to write a masterpiece once he graduates and gets his degree.

By now, he’s also married and has a child on the way. Suddenly, out of the blue, his phone rings. He couldn’t believe it. It was the publishing company from a few years back! He answers the phone. “Hello?” A woman answers, “Hello, is this James?” He affirms. She says to him, “I’m just calling to let you know that we’ve recently read your book you sent us, “Holding Hands”.”
He says, “Yeah. It’s about fucking time.”

——-

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Atheist and holy man playing golf
description

Atheist and holy man playing golf

An atheist and a holy man are playing golf. The atheist misses his first shot and curses.

“Damn!”

The holy man winces. “I really don’t think you should say things like that.”

“Oh, stop being such a square,” says the atheist.

They keep playing, and a little later, the atheist misses another shot.

“God damn it, I missed again!”

The holy man tries to admonish the atheist again, but to no avail.

“God really doesn’t like people who speak against him, you know.”

But the atheist dismisses the holy man’s words, and the two keep playing.
Then, the atheist misses a third time.

“GOD DAMN IT! I missed again. And don’t you start about your God! Fuck God, anyway, he’s a piece of shit!”

And, at that moment, a bolt of lightning struck the holy man, and he fell dead on the spot.
Then, a voice spoke amid rolling thunder.

“Fuckin’ shitballs, I missed the Goddamn bastard.”

“““““

Best Atheist Dating Site is at DatingAtheists.com to meet men and women with your same views.

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American politician and an Indian minister
description

American politician and an Indian minister

An American politician invites an Indian minister to his home. The American politician shows the Indian minister his Rolls Royce. “Beautiful isn’t it?” He asks the minister.

“Hmm, Yes it is”

“Wanna know how I could afford to buy it?” the American politician points in a direction “You see that bridge over there? 5% of its building funds went into my pockets”
The minister just nods.

A few weeks later, the minister invites the American politician to his home for a party. Upon reaching the minister’s home, the American politician was surprised at how grand it was. It was a royal-looking mansion.

He asks the minister, “Where did you get the money to buy it from?”

The minister takes him outside and points in a direction and says

“You see that bridge over there?”

The American politician replies “No”

“““““

Democrat Dating at DemocratDater.com to meet single Democrats and Liberals looking for love.

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