Joke of the Day: Married Couple
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Joke of the Day: Married Couple

A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye so she asks him, “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?”

He replies, “No. I was just thinking about how after your father found out you were pregnant he threatened me with a shotgun that if I didn’t marry you right there and then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I would have been a free man!”

——-

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Joke of the Day: Magic lamp
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Joke of the Day: Magic lamp

A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie.

“I’ll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get twice as much”

Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says “Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage.”

The genie says “Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex wife has 2”

Next,the man says “I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my garage”

The genie says, “You now have 3 cars for your garage, your ex wife has 6″

The man gets a smile on his face as he says his last wish,” I want to be beaten half to death!”

——-

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Joke of the Day: Preacher at bar
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Joke of the Day: Preacher at bar

A deacon and a Baptist preacher are out of town doing mission work, when they stop in a small bar to get a bite to eat. They take a seat at a small table.

“You know, deacon, we could get a drink here and no one back home would ever know,” the pastor says to the deacon.

“That is true.” The deacon was a bit shocked by the pastor’s statement.

“Deacon, I’ve lived a good life, I think I deserve to live a little. I’ve always wanted to try one of those “mar-tin-eyes” the fancy people in the movies drink. If I get one, do you promise not to tell anyone?” The deacon nods. So when the waitress comes, the preacher orders his “mar-tin-eye”. The waitress, rightfully confused, goes to the bartender.

“Some old guy just came in here and ordered a “mar-tin-eye”, what the hell is that?”

“Is that damn preacher here again?”

——-

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Joke of the Day: Dark Joke
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Joke of the Day: Dark Joke

I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect! I meant “wifi”, not “wife”

——-

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