Teacher gives math problem

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.” Teacher:

“Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!” Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”


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Was on a dating app

I was desperate and I couldn’t get a date with a girl to save my life until. I swiped right on a dating app for a blind date profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn’t expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right places. I said WOW and gave her my name. She gave me hers, so i asked what she did.

She said “I’m a Sunday school teacher.”

I said “Well, I Ain’t never been with a Christian woman before but I’m open minded about the whole affair.”
So we got in my Corvette and i peeled
rubber. I was trying to impress her now. I headed to the fancyest place in town that didn’t take reservations. I asked her if she’d like to smoke a joint while we wait.

She said “Heavens no! What would i tell my sunday school children?” And I apologized.

I figure weed’s 50/50 some people do some people don’t, so i took a few puffs and then we got a table.
She ordered the lobster, I ordered the steak. I asked for the 2nd most expensive bottle of wine on the list, but when our waiter came to pour it, she declined saying “Heavens no! What would I tell my Sunday school children?”

I knew right then and there it was a bust. We ate our pricey meals. We talked and laughed. Had a great time at dinnet bur I drank that whole pricey bottle by myself thinking her Christ was one helluva cock blocker.
So I’m driving her home and we pass a cheap motel. I figure I’ve got nothing left to lose, so I say “Why don’t we get a room and fuck like bunnies?”

She says “I thought you’d never ask!”

I say “really? What will you tell your Sunday school children?”

She says, “The same thing I tell them every week…



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Encountered a MILF

I encountered a MILF at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

“have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?”

I said, “Nope, not yet”.

She drank a little more, and said, “well, darling, tonight is your lucky night.”

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

“Mom, are you still awake?”


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Huge penis problem

A man books a Doctor’s appointment for his huge penis.

He books the appointment with the doctor and goes into to see him and explains,
“D-d-d-d-docter I have a really bad s-s-s-stutter caused by all the b-b-b-b-blood going to my huge p-p-p-p-penis”

The doctor takes a look and can see that is the case. They come to an agreement that the man must have his penis reduced to a normal size to help with blood flow and stop the stutter.
A week later and the doctor conducts the surgery and removes most of the penis and leaves it off to the side and stitches the man up. He wakes up and without a doubt, no stutter! “Thank you doctor this will be life changing!”

A week passes and the man comes back down to see the doctor. “Doctor iv been able to talk fine but the issue is the girls don’t like me anymore, I used to get all the ladies with my huge penis, now they don’t like me, I need you stitch my penis back on”

The doctor replies, “g-g-g-g-go fuck yourself”


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