Joke of the Day: Taxi Driver
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Joke of the Day: Taxi Driver

A taxi driver speeds through a red light without even looking, and the passenger says, “whoa, what are you doing?! That was a red!”

The driver replies, “don’t worry about it. My cousin, he does it all the time.”

The passenger sits back until the driver blows through another red. He practically leaps out of his seat, “what are you doing?! You’ll get us killed!”

The driver waves him off, “nonsense. My cousin, he does it all the time.”

Then they come to a green light and the driver slams on the brakes and creeps into the intersection before taking off again. Now the passenger is livid.

“What was that?! That light was green!”

The driver nods and then shrugs before replying.

“My cousin. He mighta been coming.”

——-

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Joke of the Day: Black Eyes
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Joke of the Day: Black Eyes

A man with a black eye takes his seat on the plane, when he notices that the man next to him also has a black eye. “How did you get yours?” He asked

“A Freudian slip at the ticket gate,” he replies “the girl selling the tickets was beautiful busty blonde. When I meant to ask for a ticket to Pittsburg, I accidentally asked for a picket to Tits-burg and she clocked be right in the eye. How about you? How’d you get your shiner?”

“It’s so funny you should say that,” answered the first man “mine was from a Freudian slip too! I was at the breakfast table with my wife this morning. What I meant to say was ‘Could you please pass the sugar, honey?’ But what I accidentally said was ‘You fucking bitch, you’ve ruined my life’

——-

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Joke of the Day: Blonde Bar
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Joke of the Day: Blonde Bar

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2) The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.

3) I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times…………’

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Lottery, Neighbors & Wives
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Joke of the Day: Lottery, Neighbors & Wives

A guy buys a scratch ticket and wins 1,000,000 dollars. Not wanting his wife or anyone to get it, he buries all of it, in cash, in his backyard.

The next morning he walks outside to see a gaping hole where he had buried it, and shoe prints leading to his deaf neighbor’s house.

He storms over to the house with a gun in his hand and kicks the door down.

The neighbor and his wife are sitting on the couch.

“Where’s my fucking money?! I’ll kill you if you don’t tell me!”

He points the gun at the neighbor, and demands that his wife translate into sign language.

She signs to him what was said, and he signs back, “Tell him I buried it by that big cherry tree down the street.”

His wife looks at the gun-toting neighbor, and says, “He said, ‘Fuck you, I’d rather die'”

——-

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