A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, Wall of Fear, Screaming Monster Roller Coaster – everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being six again??”
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed , “I meant my dress size, you dumbass!”

“””””

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A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she whispered. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. “Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”

The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: “One, two, three, four. Oh, you’re right.”

A few minutes later the woman, still not satiated, asked her lover to continue.

The lover was too scared so the wife said, ” He is so messed up I’ll pull out one of his butt hairs and he won’t move a bit”.

So she did – He didn’t – and They did it. A couple of hours later, she repeats the process -the husband is still passed out – they repeat the pairing.

Then Just before dawn the wife wants one more ride. So she reaches over and plucks a third ass hair.
At this point, the husband looks at the lover and says, ” I don’t mind you screwing my wife, but do you have to keep score on my ass??”

“””””

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A Priest dies & is waiting in line at Heaven’s Gate.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God to the guy : ” Who Are You….???? ”

Guy : ” I am a Bus driver”

God : Take this Gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest : Who Are You…..???? ”

Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.

God :
” Take this cotton Robe and enter heaven……!!!! ”

Priest :
” God, how come that rash bus driver gets a Gold &
I spent all my life preaching Good, get Cotton……!!!!! ”

God :
” Results, my son, Results……
While you Preached,
People Slept,
When he drove,
People Really Prayed”

“””””

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Dugly is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Dugly a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”

Dugly says: “I would switch one train to another track.”

“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.

“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there,” answers Dugly.”

What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.”

Then,” Dugly continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”

“What if the phone was busy?”

“In that case,” Dugly argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station.”

“What if that had been vandalized?”

“Oh well,” said Dugly, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo.

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked “Why would you do that?”

“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”

“””””

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