A wealthy, never-been-wed 80-year-old man marries a beautiful 24-year-old blonde. All of his friends agree to meet for breakfast in the same five-star hotel in which he is spending his first wedding night, just to see his reaction.

They expect him to come down for breakfast in the elevator, most likely in a wheelchair.
But to their surprise, he walks down the broad staircase looking dapper, and as refreshed as a 25-year-old man. He waves at them and sits down for coffee to await his bride’s appearance.

Forty minutes later she staggers down the stairs, barely able to walk across the marble floor to his table. His friends are shocked by her obviously physically-wrecked condition.

When the gentleman excuses himself and leisurely heads for the restroom, they rush to her to see what happened to her.

She looks up at them with a distraught face, “He told me he’s been saving up for sixty years; I thought he was talking about money!”

“””””

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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock, starts masturbating and points at it.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.

The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”

“””””

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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam. The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen. The professor begins asking the question:

“You are riding in a train cart and you get too hot. What do you do?”

The student replies,” I open the window.”

“Ok. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the cart?”
The student is clearly confused at this impossible question and just answers,”I don’t know.” So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend.

He begins asking his friend “you are riding in a train cart and it gets too hot. What do you do?
He says,”I will take my jacket off.”

“Ok. But its still too hot. What do you do?”

“I take my shirt off.”

“I understand but its very, very hot.”

“I will just get naked.”

“Ok. But there’s a guy in front of you getting a hard on by watching you strip naked!”

The student replies, “Professor, the entire train can fuck me in the ass I am NOT opening that window!”

“””””

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A man skipped church to go hunting. While in the woods, he got chased by a bear and climbed a tree to get away.

Unfortunately, the bear started climbing after him (as bears do).

The man started to pray: “Lord, I know I should not have skipped church, but please make this a Christian bear!”

Just then, the man heard the bear stop climbing.

Relieved, he looked down to see the bear with its head bowed and saying “Lord, I thank thee for this meal I am about to receive…”

“””””

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