Joke of the Day: KFC & The Pope

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, “What can I do?”

The Colonel says, “I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’. If you do it, I’ll donate $10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.”

The Pope replies, “I am very sorry. That is the Lord’s prayer and I can not change the words.” So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. “Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken.'”

And the Pope responds, “It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord’s prayer, and I can’t change the words.” So the Colonel gives up again.

After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel gets desperate. “This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’ I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

The Pope replies, “Let me get back to you.”

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, “I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

The bishops rejoice at the news.

Then one asks about the bad news.

The Pope replies, “The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account.”

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Joke of the Day: Cheating Wife

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.

The guy says, “Who is this?”

“This is the maid.”, answered the woman.

“We don’t have a maid!”

“I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.”

“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”

“Ummm …. she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.”

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $80,000?”

“What do I have to do?”

“I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the guy she is with.”

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. “What should I do with the bodies?”

“Throw them in the swimming pool!”

“What?! There’s no pool here?”

Long pause… “Uh …. is this 244-6227?”

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Joke of the Day: Bad Dream

3 guys go camping and are sharing a giant tent.

After a night’s sleep, the guy sleeping on the left of the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others “I had the most horrible dream that somebody was trying to pull my dick off!”

The guy sleeping on the right says “Weird! I had the exact same dream!”

The guy sleeping in the middle says “I just had a dream that I was skiing …”

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