Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me.”

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?” “You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. ” “Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to-a you watch and say, ‘How longa you gonna be?’ “?

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A guy sitting at a bar in Chicago O’hare noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, “Wow, she’s so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant.

But which airline does she work for?” Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Slogan, “Love to fly and it shows?”

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, “Nope, not Delta.”

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, “Something special in the air?” She gave him the same confused look.

He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Southwest slogan, “Low fares, nothing to hide?”

This time the woman savagely turned on him, “What the fuck do you want?”

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said…. “Ahhh, United Airlines

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A psychologist has a party for all of her patients. She instructs everyone to come dressed as an emotion. As the party begins, she sees her first patient come in dressed in all red. The psychologist asks her “what are dressed as” and the patient replies “I’m dressed as anger and rage.” The next patient comes in and is dressed in all blue.

The psychologist ask what he is dressed as and he tells her “I’m dressed as sorrow”. Next patient comes in dressed in yellow. The psychologist says “what are you dressed as?” She responds “I’m dressed as happiness and delight”. Then she sees her patient Leroy come into the party, completely naked with a pear on the end of his dick. The psychologist goes up to him and says “Leroy, you are at my party completely naked with a pear on your penis. What on earth are you doing?” And Leroy says “what do you mean what am I doing? You told me to come to this party dressed as an emotion and I am.” The psychologist in disbelieve says “what emotion could you possibly be???” He tells her “I’m deeply in dis pear”

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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke, he asks the other guy if he has a lighter. He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter. Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?”. The guy replies “Oh I have a personal genie.”.

The first man asks “Can I make a wish? “. Sure says the other man. “Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing”. “Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says ” I want a Million Bucks “.

The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head. And the guy says to the other ” Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?”. The other man replies “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC”

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