Joke of the Day –  If you love something
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Joke of the Day – If you love something

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was
and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never
yours to begin with. If, however, it just sits in your living
room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and never appears to have noticed
that you actually set it free in the first place, you either
married it or gave birth to it!

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Joke of the Day – mirror
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Joke of the Day – mirror

 A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four”.

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!”.

Again, there’s a bright flash… and then his legs fall off!

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Joke of the Day – mirror
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Joke of the Day – mirror

He said. . . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don’t you?

He said . . . Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said . . . Well, you succeeded!

He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said . . . That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . . Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said . . . I would but you’re never there.

 ………………

Also check out FreshPersonals.com for great dating sites!

 

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Joke of the Day – Bush fans
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Joke of the Day – Bush fans

There’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy–Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, “I’m not a Bush fan.”

The teacher says, “Why aren’t you a Bush fan?”

Johnny says, “I’m a John F. Kerry fan.” The teacher asks why he’s a Kerry fan. The boy says, “Well, my mom’s a Kerry fan, and my Dad’s a Kerry fan, so I’m a Kerry fan!”

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, “What if you’re Mom was a moron, and you’re dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”

Johnny says, “That would make me a Bush fan.”

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