A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the prescreening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions.

“Have you ever paid for sex?” the woman asked my friend’s husband sweetly.

Glancing wearily over at his wife who was trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, “Oh yes”, he sighed, “Every time.”

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Q: How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

A: wave at him.

This guy goes to a whorehouse and gets a whore for $10.The next day he’s itching like crazy. He goes back to the hooker to complain, saying, “You gave me crabs!”

She says, “What do you expect for $10, lobster?”

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A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room – yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, “I hope you don’t mind my Little Johnny playing in there.”

“No, not at all,” said the doctor calmly. “I’m sure he’ll calm down as soon as he finds the poison.”

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