A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: “No use knockin’ mate, there’s no paper in this one either.”
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An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian barmaid) takes his order, Fosters,and notices his accent.
Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill’s shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short on funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.
Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights.
On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that may be she should pay him more attention and maybe she can shake some more cash out of him again. So she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he’s from in Australia and he tells her Melbourne. “So am I… What suburb in Melbourne?” “Glen Iris,” he replies.
“That’s amazing…” she says, “…so am I – what Street?” “Cameo Street,” he replies. This is unbelievable…” she says,”…what number?”
He says, “Number 20” and she is totally astonished. “You are not going to believe this but I’m from number 22 and my parents still live there!”
“I know…” he says, “…your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you!”
……………..
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill.
Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
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A blonde walks up to a clerk in a store and says, “I would like to buy a toaster.”
“I’m sorry but we dont sell toasters to blondes.” replies the clerk.
Upset, the blonde storms out of the store. She goes home, dies her hair red and goes back to the store.
“I would like to buy a toaster,” says the blonde to the same clerk.
“I’m sorry but we don’t sell toasters to blondes.” replies the clerk.
Even madder than the last time, the blonde storms out of the store. The next day she dies her hair a chocolate brown and drives to the store. She walks up to the same clerk and says, “I would like to buy a toaster.”
“I’ve told you already!” growls the clerk, “We do NOT sell toasters to blondes!”
Quite angry by now, the blonde goes home and dies her hair purple. she drives to the store, walks up to the clerk and says, “I would like to buy a toaster.”
“Listen lady, we don’t sell toasters to blondes. Now go home!”
Raging with anger the blonde asks, “Why don’t you sell toasters to blondes?!”
“Well, this is the sports section of the store!”
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