Month: August 2008

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.

“Well,” said the chaffeur, “I’ve got a good idea. Why don’t I give the speech since I’ve heard it so many times?”

So Albert’s chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn’t answer

“Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I’ll let my chauffeur answer it!”

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a red head goes to the doctor and says ” Doc my body hurts all over !!” the doctor says ” well lets see ” so the red head touches her elbow and screams in agoney, then she touches her forehead and screams again , the doctor finaly says ” your not a red head are you ?” ” NO i am really a Blonde ” she replys, ” I thought so , its not your body thats in pain,, YOUR FINGER IS BROKEN ”

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A man had just bought a talking parrot from the pet store but when he gets home the bird keeps swearing at him, after a while the man gets a bit fed up and says to the bird “if you keep that up I’ll put you in the fridge!” “F#$@ you” says the bird, so the bloke chucks him in the fridge.
Ten minutes later he checks on the bird and asks “have you learnt your lesson?” the bird replies “no I fuckin havent” so the bloke decides to chuck him in the freezer for more punishment.
After another 10 minutes he opens the freezer to check on the bird, and the bird says warily “what’d the f#$kin chicken do??”

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A priest in a small rural town was very fond of the ten chickens and
one handsome cock rooster he kept in a hen house behind the rectory.

One Saturday night, the priest discovered that the cock rooster was
missing. At the same time the priest heard rumors of cockfights that
were being held in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say
something during the Sunday Mass.

During Mass he asked the congregation, “Who among you will confess
to sporting a handsome cock?”

All the men stood up.

“No, no,” he said. “That’s not what I mean. Who among you will confess
to having seen a handsome cock?” All the women stood up.

“Oh, no,” he said. That’s not what I mean, either! Who among you will
confess to having seen a cock that doesn’t belong to you?”

Half the women stood up.

“Oh Lord,” he said. “Perhaps I should rephrase the question: “Has anybody
here seen my cock?” All the choirboys stood up.

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