A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”

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An American, a Mexican and an Italian robbed a bank. As it turned out, they got a lot of cash in Dollars, Pesos and Liras.

When they returned back to their hide-out, the American distributed the money in three even shares. He counted each portion aloud:

“1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you …

1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you …

1000 Dollars for me, 1000 Pesos for you, 1000 liras for you …”
The Mexican said to the Italian, “Well I can’t stand these Yankees, but I have to admit they are honest.

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Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Q. What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.

Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver’s test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde’s to catch cold?
A. They don’t have to worry about blowing their brains out.

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3 explorers were looking in the forest when they were captured by Indians. They were taken to their chief, and he said go out into the forest and come back with 10 of the same kind of fruits. The first guy comes back with 10 bannanas, and the chief says, shove them all up your butt without making a sound.

So the 1st guy gets 2 bannanas in when he starts screaming, so the indians kill him. The second guy comes back with 10 berries, and they shove 9 in and are about to shove the 10th in when he starts laughing, and so since he made a sound the indians killed him too.
Now the first two explorers souls fly out of their bodies and into heaven and they start talking. The first explorer says ‘Hey dude why did you laugh you could’ve gone back and told out families what had happened’.

The 2nd explorer replies, ‘Sorry I just couldn’t stop when I saw fred comin down the hill with 10 pinneapples.

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