Joke of the Day – A blind man

Joke of the Day – A blind man

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked. “I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked. He quickly answered: “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”


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Joke of the Day – Escape From a Bear

Joke of the Day – Escape From a Bear

There’s a guy who’s hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.

So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time hes brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldnt reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.

Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.

Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.


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Joke of the Day – School Assignment

Joke of the Day – School Assignment

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. Here are some of the humorous lines she received:

•Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
•We three kings of porridge and tar
•On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
•Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire
•He’s makin a list, chicken and rice
•Noel, Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel
•With the jelly toast proclaim
•Olive, the other reindeer
•Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
•Sleep in heavenly peas
•In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is sparse and brown
•You’ll go down in listerine
•Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
•O come, froggy faithful

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Joke of the Day –  Random Rants

Joke of the Day – Random Rants

Random Rants

I’m kinda bored, sitting here in front of my computer with nothing really to do. I’m in kindof a bad mood, so maybe I’ll just rant about a few things that tick me off. You got a problem with that?

Tatoos. Having a tattoo with Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.

Wal-Mart. I’m not the cashier! By the time I get done sliding my friggen card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again… the kid who’s “supposed” to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Snickers bar. Paper? Plastic? I don’t have time for that. I’ve just been called to do a cleanup on aisle four!

Baseball cards. You know, as I kid I collected them. Hell I think every kid collects baseball cards. The cards represent your heros, your idols, people you wanted to be like when you grew up. My problem isn’t with kids… it’s adults. Listen if you’re a grown man you’re not collecting cards, you’re collecting pictures of men. That’s gay.

Old People. Stop messing with them. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time gramps figures out how to open it his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

Women and their eyebrows. What’s the deal here? Why are you soooo obsessed with making them skinny, pointy, curved, slanted or whatever. Men don’t care. Do you have two eybrows? Great. Let’s get it on!

You know what else ticks me off? People that read my stuff and don’t leave a comment. I mean, damn, this site gets tons of visitors a day and no comments. What the hell? How about letting me know what ticks YOU off. Mmmmk. Thanks.


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