A man was walking a lion down the street when they were stopped by a police officer.

The police officer said, You shouldt be walking that lion down the street, you need to take him to the zoo.

The man replies, OK.

The next day he sees the same police officer again, and he still had his lion.

The police officer said, I thought I told you to take that lion to the zoo!

The man replies, I did, and today Im taking him to the movies!

……………..

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A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…..

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, What are you doing?

The little boy answered, Im doing my math homework, Mom.

And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? the mother asked.

Yes, he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, What are you teaching my son in math?

The teacher replied, Right now, we are learning addition.

The mother asked, And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four. 

……………..

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As the woman passed her daughters closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.

Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, What in the world are you doing? The daughter replied, Mom, Im thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as Ill ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.

The next day, the girls father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, Dad, Im thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as Ill ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room.

She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, What are you doing!?

The husband replied, Im watching the ball game with my son-in-law.

……………..

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A lawyer had a client who was accused of bank robbery. He was caught with the money shortly after he left the bank. He stood and addressed the bench.

Your honor, my client is innocent of bank robbery. He was actually borrowing the money. He wanted to open an account at another bank which offered higher interest rates and needed at least $10,000. He would have paid back the money in a few years.

……………..

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