A teacher asks her class to use the word “contagious”. Roland, the teacher’s pet, gets up and says, “Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious.”

“Well done, Roland,” says the teacher.

“Can anyone else try?”

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, “My grandma says there’s a bug going round, and it’s contagious.”

“Well done, Katie,” says the teacher. “Anyone else?”

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, “Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious.”

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After 1 year of dating, not caring about the big age gap , Henry of age 85, married Katie a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Katie decides that after their wedding she and Henry should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Katie prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Henry, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Henry takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Katie hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Henry, again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Katie consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Henry kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha! you guessed it – Henry is back again, rapping on the door, is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action. And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Henry gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once.You are truly a great lover, Henry.’

Henry, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Katie and says: ‘You mean I was here already?’

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The first surgeon says, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order”.

The second surgeon says, “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order”.

The third surgeon says, “I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded.

The fourth surgeon says, “I like operating on politicians.”

The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.

The fourth surgeon continues, “Because they’re heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable.”

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Bill and his wife were working in their garden one day when Bill looks over at his wife and says: “Your booty is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s booty.

“Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!!”

The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Bill is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

She answers: “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

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