A guy hails a cab at the airport and tells the driver to go to a certain address. When he gets there he sees a beautiful three story townhouse in a upper-class part of town. He knocks and an attractive woman opens the door.

“I wanna see Joanna”

The lady looks the man up and down, he clearly doesn’t have a lot of money.

“Sir, to see Joanna you will have to pay $1,000 for half an hour”

“No problem, I have money”

Just then a gorgeous brunette in a black evening gown comes down the stairs and the guy looks at her

“Joanna?”

“Yes?”

“I want to spend a little time with you”

She smirks at the man’s appearance

“It will cost you $1,000”

The guy takes out a roll of cash and hands it to her, they go upstairs, do the dirty and he leaves half an hour later. The next day the guy is back, he knocks, the madame opens and is quite surprised that the guy is back

“I wanna see Joanna”

“Well it’s still $1,000”

“O.K., I have the money”

He shows her the money, he goes upstairs, hands the money to Joanna, spend half an hour poking her clam and leaves.

So it continues for three more days, after the fifth day Joanna turns to him while he’s dressing and says

“You know it’s the first time that somebody came back so many times; where are you from?”

“I am from Michigan”

Joanna sits up. “Really? I have a sister in Michigan”

The guy grins and replies “I know, she gave me $5,000 to give you”

“““““

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A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $1000 a bullet?”

“Yup.”

“What if you miss?”

He looks at the man, deadly serious. “I don’t miss…”

“Okay, we’ll I’ve got $2000 here. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They’re at the motel together right now.”

“Let’s go,” the assassin says.

So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.

“They’re in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off.”

The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.

“Well? What are you waiting for!?” the husband asks.

“Hold on two more minutes. I think I can save you $1000.”

“““““

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A man takes his wife and his little boy to the circus.

After a while, the dad gets up to get a beer, and the ringmaster parades the elephants out.

“Mommy, Mommy! What’s that long pointy thing under the elephant’s belly!?” the kid asks.

The mom turns red and says, “Oh, that’s nothing, dear.”

The dad comes back with his beer and sits down next to his boy. Then mom gets up and goes to the washroom.

“Daddy, daddy! What’s that long pointy thing under the elephant’s belly!?”

“That’s the elephants penis.”

“But mom said it was nothing!”

The dad takes a long swig of his beer, pats his boy on the head, and says, “Son, I’ve spoiled that woman…”

“““““

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Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.

Lady 1: What’s that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get that?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: Doesn’t matter son, as long as it fits a camel.

“““““

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