Joke of the Day – Roosters

A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, Get out, old man! This is my barn now!

Tell you what, says the old rooster. Ill race you around the farm; winner gets all the chicks.

The old rooster takes off toward the front of the house with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun, and blows the young one away.

Dammit, says the farmer. Thats the third gay rooster Ive bought this month!

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Joke of the Day – Corporate Lessons

Lesson Number One:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the Rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

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Lesson Number Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull.

“They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

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Lesson Number Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are: 1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

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Joke of the Day – Vacuum Salesman

A vaccumm salesman walks to a house and knocks on the door. As soon as a lady answers the door, the man throws cow dung all over the carpet. He then says, “If this vaccum does not clean it completely and perform miracles, then I myself will eat the patties.”

There is a long pause….

The lady half laughing asks, “Do you want a ketchup or mustard on that?”

Puzzled the man asks, “What? Why?”

She says, laughing, “We just moved in and our electricity is not turn on yet.”

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Joke of the Day – Definition Q&A’s

What is the definition of pain? Falling of a cliff, landing on a bike with no seat.

What is the definition of agony? Sliding down a razor blade, using your balls as brakes, landing in a bucket of vinegar.

What is the definition of torture? A 1 armed man hanging off of a cliff with itchy balls.

What is the definition of cramped? Reading a playboy in steel jocks.

What is the definition of suffocation? Farting in a space suit.

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