3-Year-Old Swearing
description

3-Year-Old Swearing

“Look at that dumb fuck, Daddy,” said my 3-year-old from his car seat.

“Where?” I asked. There were quite a few around us, he could have been talking about any of them.

“The white one,” he continued.

That narrowed it down. There was only one that fit that description.

“That dumb fuck is dirty,” he said. “Why is that dumb fuck so dirty?”

It was a good question, a question a child might ask, but not a childish question.

“Some are dirtier than others,” I replied. “It comes with the territory.”

We were sitting outside Starbucks waiting for my wife. We were passing the time the way men do, talking about our feelings and cursing a little – some of us more than others.

“Do you like dumb fucks, Daddy?” he asked. It had an added air of the rhetorical.

“I don’t like being too close to them,” I answered. “They are pretty fun to watch, though.”

My wife returned with our coffee and took a seat in the car.

“Mommy, did you see all the dumb fucks?”

I knew that she had.

“Honey,” she said with a straight face. “They’re called dump trucks.”

“Dumb fucks,” he repeated.

“Exactly,” I told him, and we sipped our coffee as he watched the last one rumble past.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Crusty Old Army Major
description

Crusty Old Army Major

A crusty old Army Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”

“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

“1955, ma’am.”

“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.

Afterwords, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”

The Major said, after glancing at his watch,

“Not a big deal; it’s only 2130 now.”

——-
Army Dating at SoldierMatch.com to meet Marines, Army & Navy personnel.

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Married Couple in Bed
description

Married Couple in Bed

A married couple is lying in bed one night.

The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, “Why are you taking off your clothes”?

His wife replies, “You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay”.

The husband says, “No, not at all”.

His wife asks angrily, “Well, what the hell were you doing then”?

I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.

“““““

Cheating Dating at CheaterAds.com to have a discreet affair.

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Sherlock Holmes and Watson
description

Sherlock Holmes and Watson

Sherlock Holmes arrives back at Baker Street as Watson is heading out of the door.

“Where are you off to Watson?”

“Oh, I’ve got a date with Ella from down the road. She left me a note for where to meet.” Says Watson, “see you in a few hours!” and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

30 minutes later, Watson returns.

Sherlock is sitting in his chair, smoking his pipe. As Watson enters, he says, “I expected you back 10 minutes ago, but close enough. I’ve left some dinner on the table for you, it should still be warm”.

“But… but… how did you know I’d be back so soon?” Replies Watson.

“When you left, I pondered for a moment at why Ella, someone so youthful and attractive, would want to date an older man of your prestige”, explains Sherlock, “I assessed the note that Ella posted earlier this evening. It was in fact addressed to 212b, not 221b Baker Street”.

“That’s Terry Farnell’s address”. Say’s Watson.

“I’m afraid so”, replies Sherlock, “Ella meant Terry, my dear Watson”.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]