Joke of the Day – Making People Happy

President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.”

Cheney added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, “Such big-shots back there. Shit, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”

……………..

Check out Jalore.com for Cialis, Viagra, Propecia, Lipitor and more! Visit the Online Pharmacy.

Joke of the Day – Hit the Floor!

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. “I’ll be right back and we’ll go to eat,” she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big…very big…an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don’t be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered, ashamed. She hoped they didn’t read her mind, but knew they surely did; her hesitation about joining them on the elevator was all too obvious. Her face was flushed. She couldn’t just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn’t move. Panic consumed her. “My God”, she thought, “I’m trapped and about to be robbed!” Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then…one of the men said, “Hit the floor.” Instinct told her: Do what they tell you. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator carpet. A shower of coins rained down on her. “Take my money and spare me”, she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, “Ma’am, if you’ll just tell us what floor you’re going to, we’ll push the button.” The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. She lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet.

“When I told my man here to hit the floor,” said the average sized one, “I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn’t mean for you to hit the floor, ma’am.” He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

She thought: “My God, what a spectacle I’ve made of myself.” She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn’t know what to say.

The 3 of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter while they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room–a dozen roses. Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The card said: “Thanks for the best laugh we’ve had in years.” It was signed, Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan

……………..

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

Joke of the Day – The Speeder and the Cop

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”

The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.”

The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”

The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”

“Only when he’s been drinking”

……………..

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

Joke of the Day – The Groom

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But officer, I just wanted to say…” “I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked n on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

……………..

Get rid of cellulite ! Buy Cellulite Reduction today!