Little old lady dragging two large plastic garbage bags
description

Little old lady dragging two large plastic garbage bags

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me officer.”

Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it?’

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’

“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Not everybody pays.”

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A Drunk Man Stumbles Out of A Bar
description

A Drunk Man Stumbles Out of A Bar

A drunk man stumbles put of a bar and sees two priests walking across the street. He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them.

He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ!”

The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you’re not.”

He then turns to the second priest and says again, “I’m Jesus Christ!”

Again, the second priest replies, “No, son, you’re not.”

The drunk man finally says, “Follow me, I’ll prove it too you!”

Curious, the two priests follow behind him as he walks back into the bar.

Immediately upon entering, the bartender takes one look at the man and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re here again?!”

“““““

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Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges
description

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor and decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to pick them up since they had enough in the bag.

Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate and heard a voice saying: “One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You…”.

He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he could to a nearby church requesting for the priest. “Father, pls come with me. Come and witness God and Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery”.

They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued: “One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You…”. Suddenly, the voice stopped counting and said: “What About The Two At The Gate? Let’s get them”.

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Man lands in Area 51
description

Man lands in Area 51

You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?”

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane… Only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”

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