Grandfather Abdullah goes to a nursing home
description

Grandfather Abdullah goes to a nursing home

An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.

All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Abdullah.

“How do you like it here?” Asked the grandson. It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful,” said Abdullah.

“We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a “little different” from everyone.”

“Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents.” Abdullah said with a big smile.

‚ÄúThere’s a musician here – he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him Maestro!

There is a judge in here – he’s 95 year old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honour.

There’s a dentist here – 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor.

And me – I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me the Fucking Arab.

“““““

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A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors
description

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle — in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking better and better, and pretty soon the guy rolled towards the pig and put his arm around it. The dog was not very happy with this, and growled fiercely at the guy until he moved his arm away.

The three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there were no more efforts at cuddling. A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to good health.When she was completely well, they introduced her to their nightly beach ritual.

Then came another gloriously beautiful evening — red sunset; delicate cirrus clouds; gentle, warm breeze — again, perfect for romance. The guy started getting “those ideas” again, so he leaned over to the girl, and said,

“Um… would you mind taking the dog for a walk?”

“““““

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She divorced ten husbands
description

She divorced ten husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married and divorced 10 times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him!
But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed.”
“““““

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A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing
description

A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing

A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing. They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says “Please don’t kill me! Spare my life and I’ll grant you all a wish!”

The German throws the fish back and says “I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty”, and immediately a foaming mug of ice-cold German ale appears in his hand. He takes a long swig and when he puts it down, it’s still miraculously full! The Frenchman and Englishman are, of course, amazed.

“I wish,” said the Frenchman, “For a wall to be built around France, ten miles high and ten miles thick, so that nobody can get in and nobody can get out.”

The fish screws up its eyes in concentration for a moment then says. “Done! And what do you want?”

“Is there a wall around France?” asks the Englishman
“Yes.” replies the fish.

“Is it ten miles high and ten miles thick?”
“Yes.”

“And can nobody get in, and nobody get out?”
“Yes.”

“Well then,” says the Englishman, “I want you to fill it with water.”

“““““

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