Trying to decide which of his 3 sons to promote
description

Trying to decide which of his 3 sons to promote

The boss of a mining company is trying to decide which of his 3 sons to promote, so he gives them a test…

He sits them all down and tells them: “There is bound to come a time in this company when you will hit a sudden economic crisis. When these times come you must know how to cut down on expenses and do the best you can with what budget you have. ” He then proceeds to give them each 1000 dollars, and tells them that he will come back to the mine in a week, and see which of them have been able to move the most ore with the money they were given.
He returns after one week to check up on them, and approaches his oldest son.

“How much digging have you been able to do?” He asks

“3 tons of ore, father. I used 300 dollars to buy a broken digger, I then used my business contacts to find a mechanic willing to fix it for just 200 dollars if I gave his 5 kids a job. The youth is so desperate for a job this day, they will do 12 hour shifts even for an internship, and I only had to pay them 100 dollars each for a week of work”
The father pats his son proudly on the shoulder before moving on to his middle child, asking him how much mining he had been able to do as well.

“10 tons of ore, father. I used 100 dollars to run a local ad in the newspaper asking for workers, then took in 75 undocumented immigrants who all brought their own tools and shovels. They’re all so afraid of being taken by immigration that they’re willing to work for half minimum wage.”

The father looks skeptically at his son for a while, but notices the massive piles of ore the workers are carrying out, and gives him a nod before carrying on to his youngest son.

“How much mining have you been able to do?” Asks the father

“35 tons, dad, but I didn’t use any of the budget.”

The father looks at him in awe, his jaw dropping “How were you able to move 35 tons of ore for free!?”

“I invited a bunch of conspiracy theorists. They just keep digging deeper and deeper thinking they’re going to find something, and every time I tell them to take a break they accuse me of trying to withhold the truth from them!”

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Priest and a taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates
description

Priest and a taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates

A priest and a taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes.

For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. “Thank you,” the ecstatic taxi driver said.

Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at a small 1-bedroom apartment.

“St. Peter, I’m a little puzzled,” the priest began. “As a clergyman, I devoted decades of my life solely to serving the Lord. How come the taxi driver got a villa, and for me, only a small apartment?”

St. Peter smiled. “Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Chemistry bonus question to an exam
description

Chemistry bonus question to an exam

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you”, and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting “Oh, my God!”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”.

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
A Swedish immigrant finally arrives at Ellis Island
description

A Swedish immigrant finally arrives at Ellis Island

My (Swedish) grandfather told me this joke

A Swedish immigrant finally arrives at Ellis Island after days at sea, and with only $15 in his pocket. He’s eager to get a job, find a place to live, and start his new life in America, but after such a long and hard journey, his first stop is to get a drink to unwind!
He walks into the first pub he sees and is greeted by the bartender. The bartender says, “Hey there, what can I do you for?”

The Swede, eager to take his English for a spin in this new country, orders his favorite drink: “I’ll take a yin, please!”

The bartender grows visibly upset. “Yin? Yin?! What the hell is that? You’re another one o’ them lousy immigrants coming through that don’t know no good English. Get outta here and don’t come back till you can order a drink proper!”

The Swede leaves, feeling distraught, and instead finds work and lodging, putting the drink aside for now. Every night when he returns home from work, he practices his English in the mirror.

“Yin. Yin. Yyy…inn. Jyinn. Jjjiiinn. Gyiin. Giin. Gin. Gin! Gin! GIN!”

After weeks of practice, he’s ready. The Swede goes back to that same bar he entered when he first arrived in America. The bar tender recognizes him immediately. “Hey, it’s you again!” he yells. “I thought I told you to–”
But the Swede raises a hand and calmly interrupts. “Yes, I know. I would like to order a gin, please.”
The bar tender is speechless! A smile grows on his face, and he says, “well, would you look at that? You’ve learned quite a bit! Alright, I’ll get you that gin, sure thing. What would you like it with?”
The Swede answers, “yinyerale!”

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]