A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were in a wilderness chased by police and their dogs. They got tired running so they each climbed a tree.
The police dogs came and started barking on a tree with the brunette on it. The brunette cried “COOO COOO” The police said it’s just a pigeon up there. The dogs then barked on a tree with the redhead on it. The redhead cried “HOOO HOOO” The police said it’s just an owl up there. The dogs then came to the tree with the blonde on it. The blond cried “MOOO MOOO”.

“““““

Visit CrazyKinky.com for the best Alt Dating site, if you’re kinky this is the site for you !

A Chicago area divorce lawyer died and found his way to the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The lawyer thought for a moment and replied, “Last month I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was in fact true.

Saint Peter said, “Well , that’s fine, but that in itself just isn’t enough to get you into Heaven.” The lawyer quickly retaliated, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Four years ago I gave another homeless person a quarter.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this too had been verified.

Saint Peter, unsure of himself, whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?” Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

“Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”

“““““

Find the best dating websites on the net at MatchLane.com !

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.”

“““““

Get Orbitz Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !

One of my husband’s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, “There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!” Checking to see that he had everyone’s attention, he asked, “What is the first rule?” Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, “Shut up, Drill Sergeant!”

“““““

Get bridesmaids gifts and all wedding products at BrightWedding.com