John receives a phone call. “Hello,” he answers.

The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”

John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”

Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”

John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”

Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”

John: “Say, you ARE a good sport.”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs.

The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ”So have you done the work then?” he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn’t give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow.

The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck.

So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, “SUPPLIES!”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.

The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.”

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, “See! That was more than 5 times a month!”
The second bull is to be sold, “Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”

Again the wife bugs her husband, “Hey, that’s some 5 times a month. What do you say to that?” Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale, “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!”
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about you?”

The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, “Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey with six people on board (the pilot, Bill Clinton, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie).

Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded in the luggage compartment and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened and the pilot burst into the compartment.

“Gentlemen,” he said, “I have bad news, and good news, and bad news. The bad news is that we’re about to crash in New Jersey.

The good news is that we can easily parachute to safety. The bad news is that there are only five parachutes.” With that, the pilot threw open the door, grabbed a parachute, and jumped from the plane.

Bill Clinton was right behind him. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the leader of the world’s greatest nation. The world needs great leaders of great nations. I think the world’s greatest leader should have a parachute!” So saying, he grabbed a parachute and followed the pilot out the door.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the world’s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world’s greatest athlete should have a parachute!” With those words, he grabbed a parachute and hurtled through the door into the night.

Bill Gates scrambled to his feet and said, “Uh, gentlemen, I am the world’s smartest man, and, well, the world needs smart men. So, uh, the world’s smartest man should have a parachute.” Grabbing a parachute, he stumbled out the door.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another calmly for a moment. Finally, the hippie picked up a parachute and held it out to the Dali Lama who said, “My son, I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you. You take the parachute, and I will go down with the plane.”

The hippie said, “Hey, no sweat, pop. The world’s smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack.”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com