10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t
remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You’re the only X-Man in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

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The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn’t considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

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In prison: you spend your time in an 8×10 cell.
At work: you spend your time in an even smaller cubicle.

In prison: you get 3 meals a day.
At work: you get a break for 1 meal and have to pay for it.

In prison: you get time off for good behavior.
At work: you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison: there are wardens who are often sadistic and psycotic.
At work: we call them owners, bosses, managers, etc.

In prison: you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work: there are many programs you can never get out of.

In prison: all costs are paid by taxpayers, with no effort on your part required.
At work: you get to pay all expenses to get to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners..

In prison: you spend most of your time looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work: you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”

“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

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