Joke of the Day – passion for baked beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, shell never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. It was, after all, his birthday.

So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight! She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang.

She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, SURPRISE!!!

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

…………………

Also check out FreshPersonals.com for great dating sites!

Joke of the Day – Lil Johnny goes to his dad and asks

Lil Johnny goes to his dad and asks, What is politics? Dad says, Well son, let me try to explain it this way. Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, well call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, Dad, I think I understand what politics is now.

Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are.

The little boy replies, Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
…………..

Also check out IntimateAdults.com for great dating ads! 

Joke of the Day – captured by cannibals

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, I brought ten apples. The king then explained the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or youll be eaten.

The first apple went in…. but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1….2….3….4….5….6….7….8…. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it? The second one replied, I couldnt help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.
“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

Joke of the Day – A Blondes Year in Review

A Blondes Year in Review:

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels……Helllloooo!!!……bottles wont fit in printer !!!

March – Got really excited……finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months……box said 2-4 years!

April – Trapped on escalator for hours …… power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid……wrong instructions….. 8 cups of water wont fit into those little packets!

June – Tried to go water skiing……couldnt find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…… learned later,the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August – Got locked out of my car in rain storm…… car swamped because soft-top was open.

September – The capital of California is C……isnt it???

October – Hate M & Ms……they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days …. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December – Couldnt call 911 …… duh…… theres no eleven button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

……………..

Also check out Cellulite Reduction to get rid of cellulite!