A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort at Lakes Entrance. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lakes area, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a fishing inspector in his boat. He pulls up alongside the
woman and says, “Good morning ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading a book,” she replies (thinking “isn’t that obvious!”).
“You’re in a restricted area, no fishing” he informs her.
“I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and make a report.”
“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the man.
“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”
“Have a nice day ma’am,” He said and he left …………..

A man walks into a bar. On the bar sits a big jar of twenty dollar bills. The man asks the bartender,”What’s the deal with the jar of money?”

“Well”, the bartender says,”I’ve got a horse tied up in the stable out back. This horse has never laughed in his life. You put a twenty in the jar, then if you can make my horse laugh, You win all the money!”

The man puts his twenty in the jar, and goes out to the stable. He comes back just a few minutes later, and you can hear the horse laughing all the way inside. The man takes his money and leaves.

About a year later, he goes back to the bar, and they’ve got another jar of twenties there.

“What’s the deal now?” He asks.

“Well”,the bartender says,”That damn horse won’t stop laughing! So the first person who can make my horse stop laughing wins the money!”

The man pays his twenty, and goes out to the stable. He returns a few minutes later, and the horse is bawling his eyes out. He picks up his money and is about to leave when the bartender stops him.

“Alright”, he says,”You have won an awful lot of money from me and I want to know how you did it!!”

“Easy”, he says,”I made him laugh by saying mine was bigger than his, and I made him cry by proving it!!”

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.

She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”

She’s not there stand, for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”

He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”.

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ……

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”

Yo momma’s so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

Yo momma’s so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo momma’s so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

Yo momma’s so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

Yo momma’s so fat, at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies ” yes Please”

Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.

Yo momma’s so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle’s fell out.