Joke of the Day – Interesting Facts (With Comments)
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Joke of the Day – Interesting Facts (With Comments)

If you yelled for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (Oh my God…!)

A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I’m still not over the pig)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home .. maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (“Honey, I’m home. What the….”)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes…can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life … quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm……..)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing….)

A cat’s urine glows under a blacklight. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (Who knew…? Who cares! )

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about the pig?)

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Joke of the Day – The Big Test
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Joke of the Day – The Big Test

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, “You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!”

“Well,” says the CIA man, “you’re definitely not the right man for this job then.”

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,” they explained to the second man. “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nonetheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her, I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.”

“No,” the CIA man replied, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Now they’re down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him.”

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Once the door closed, the CIA heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the bastard to death with the chair!”

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Joke of the Day The Nun and the Fig Leaf
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Joke of the Day The Nun and the Fig Leaf

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun.

So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender. “Would you like a drink?”

“But, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on the statue, the lights go out.
 
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Joke of the Day – The Horrible Sunburn
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Joke of the Day – The Horrible Sunburn

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital, and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who is rather astounded, says, “What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?

The doctor replied, “It’ll keep the sheets off his legs.”

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