Day: July 3, 2007

 A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, “Wow, that’s a really fancy watch.”

“Thanks,” says the guy, “It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me, telepathically.”

“Rubbish, you’re having me on,” says the girl.

“No, it’s true,” says that guy. “Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask it if you’ve got any panties on.” The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, “Nope, it says you haven’t got any panties on.”

“Well, it’s wrong,” says the girl, “I do have panties on.”

“Damn,” says the guy, slapping his watch, “it’s an hour fast!”
 
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There’s this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later, he receives a parcel with a note, “Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.”

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note, “Our apologies… please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head, you will really look the part.”

Now the man is really annoyed, since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. The appalled man writes the company a very rude letter of complaint.

The next day, he receives a small parcel and a note which reads, “Please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a candied apple!”

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