Joke of the Day – Mail the Photo

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

She took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.”

Needless to say, this guy was heartbroken. But, even more so, he was pissed.

So he wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!” and mailed the picture to her parents.

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Joke of the Day – George Bush faces school children

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

‘Billy.’

‘And what is your question, Billy?

‘I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?’

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh that’s right question time. Who has a question?”

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.

‘Steve’

‘And what is your question, Steve?’

‘I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the f… happened to Billy?’

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Joke of the Day – Interesting Facts

A multitude of weird things that you probably didn’t know:

All porcupines float in water.

Armadillos are the only animals besides humans that can get leprosy.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is ‘uncopyrightable’.

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach’s contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die, they need gravity to swallow.

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

Studies show that if a cat falls off the 7th floor of a building, it has about 30% less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the 20th floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

Norvelle Rogers is the real name of ‘Shaggy’ in Scooby Doo.

More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

Certain frogs can be frozen solid, then thawed, and survive.

Cat’s urine glows under UV light.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger that its brain.

Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

A whale’s penis is called a dork.

If a statue in a park is of a person on a horse that has both front legs in the air, then the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

Sherlock Holmes never said “Elementary, my dear Watson”.

In “Casablanca”, Humphrey Bogart never said, “Play it again, Sam”.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

Starfishes have no brains.

Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

There. Don’t you feel better for knowing all of that?

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Joke of the Day – Brought it on Yourself

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?” said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.

“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

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